Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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