Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize