im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
