My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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