Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
