She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
