I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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