We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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