eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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