My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
