It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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