ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
