I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
