It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass