He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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