I wanna bring you to show and tell
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers