how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.