I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
