So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
