new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What a dumb baby whore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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