do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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