conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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