yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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