He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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