Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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