Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
