you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize