She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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