you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
