genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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