So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
