We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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