4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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