guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
