We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
