We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
