I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
