Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
