wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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