i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
