i permit you to call me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
