Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
