Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Houston, we have a squirter
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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