and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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