Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
