How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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