Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
