I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
