I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
