I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
