Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
