is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
