I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
