I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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