The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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