Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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