Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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