never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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