just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
