party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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