I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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