Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
