Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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