Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
