i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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