Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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